


Heart to Heart

by Jonnaanden



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Boyfriends, Harry Styles Loves Louis Tomlinson, Louis Tomlinson Loves Harry Styles, M/M, Trailerpark - Freeform, Zayn Malik & Louis Tomlinson Friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:14:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27080275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jonnaanden/pseuds/Jonnaanden
Summary: The wrong day, the wrong train, but the right person.Many of us have heard that when you see the one, you just know. But when both have problems, being with the one becomes a big problem, but when something happens with Harry and Louis is the only one to pick him up. Those problems are now just questions.(TW: Abuse, Selfharm)
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter one: Blue, green

**~L~**

The rain was pouring down on Louis’ window like tears, he was mesmerized by how beautiful the rain looked, how it slowly made its way down to the ground. He was sitting on his undone bed and was looking at his window and wished that it would stop soon, so he can go to school without getting wet. 

He stood up and looked around in his room, his bed was in the middle of the not so big room. A mirror was beside the big window and on his bedside table was a vase with a sunflower in it, he absolutely adored sunflowers. He was fascinated by the way they were always facing the positive and didn’t think about the dark. He looked into the mirror, he had a big green Adidas hoodie with some black skinny jeans, his cheekbones were quite visible and his normally icy blue eyes looked a little bit darker. 

He heard footsteps outside of his door, that stopped in front of his door. The footsteps owner opened the door which made him look at the door on the other side of his room. In the opening was one of his little sisters, Daisy, she was looking at her big brother with her big blue-ish eyes. Her brown hair was laying on her shoulders so peacefully, she was wearing jeans and a t-shirt with a horse on. 

She looked at him and frowned, “Loueh, aren’t you supposed to be on your way to school by now?” she said and smiled apologetic. Louis felt how his heart dropped, he fished up his phone from his back pocket and saw five new messages from his mate, Zayn, and that the clock was 07:56am. He was supposed to be at school by now, today he and his class had a meeting with a man from a big Management and from a big Music label. Since Louis went to a music school, one of his classmates, or him, would have the chance to join. Much bigger chance than any other private person. 

He looked up at his little sister, she was looking at her feets, “Yeah, I should, fuck I need to g-” he started but he hadn’t the chance to finish it because he was already running down the stairs to have the chance to be in school as soon as possible, so he wouldn’t miss that much. He took his bag on the way to the front door. 

While he was just about to open the front door he heard his mom's voice, “Good luck in school”, he turned around and nodded. He opened the door and walked out and closed it behind him before he started running towards the train station. 

He was used to being late to class, not because he wanted to, but he just wasn’t the most organised person. But today was a big day for him, well, his teacher would probably think it would be better if he stayed home. He didn’t think that Louis could sing, but Louis wanted to prove him wrong. 

-

The rain was making his jacket soaking wet, but he was just outside of the station so it didn’t matter. He ran inside and made his way to the railway, he looked up at the timetable and saw that his train would arrive in a few minutes, which would mean that he would only arrive a few minutes late.

Since he needed to wait a while, he decided to answer Zayn's text messengers. He fished up his phone from his back pocket and looked at his phone and opened his messenger app to see what Zayn had send him; 

_“Mate, where are ya?”_

_“I swear to God L, if you don’t come to school today, i will kill you”_

_“???”_

_“You better be dead, man”_

_“Still love you, but fuck off”_

He had been friends with Zayn for a long while. When Zayn moved to Doncaster from Bradford he needed someone in his school to show him around, and Louis said yes. Mostly because he thought that Zayn was kind of hot with his golden skin and his brown eyes. But, however, when they became friends Zayn told him that he had a boyfriend named Liam, so no luck for Louis.   
  
He typed in a message and sent it to Zayn and in the corner of his eyes he saw that his train came, he put down his phone in his pocket and waited til the train came to a halt. When it did, he, with the other passengers, waited until the ones on the train were out until he entered. He looked around and saw that the only place left to sit was in front of a curly headed boy who was concentrating on the piece of paper in front of him. 

Louis made his way towards the lad in the corner of the train, when he came closer he could see that it was a drawing on the paper. It was a drawing of a big castle in a land where nothing grows, the castle was detailed, it had four towers and the two in the middle were the longest. On the sides it was two swords-looking things sticking out, Louis was amazed at the talent of the unknown boy. When he had sat down, he saw that the castle came from one of his favorite series, The Dark Crystal.

He poked at the boy's legs and the boy took off his headphones and looked up at Louis. He had emerald green eyes that captured Louis' soul, his lips were round and compared to Louis', the curly headed boy’s lips were quite full and had a nice pastel pink color on them. The boy's lips formed a faint smile that made his dimples clear, which filled Louis’ heart with butterflies. 

He cleared his throat, he couldn’t let this boy control him like that. He opened his mouth and squeaked out his words “Isn't that the castle from The Dark Crystal?” he immediately wanted to hit himself in the face, his voice was already very light, he did not have to sound like a twelve year old boy. 

The boy looked at Louis with his emerald green eyes, and his fainted smile turned into a wider and happier smile, his dimples were now much clearer. “Yes, it is. Good eye, mate,” He said and stretched out his hand, “I’m Harry, you?” he continued. 

Louis was stunned by Harry’s dark voice, he took Harry’s hand in his and didn’t break their eye contact, “‘m Louis” he said and slowly shook the curly boy’s hand. It felt as if their hands matched, as if they were made to hold each other. Harry nodded slowly and drew his hand back, Louis couldn't help but frown a little. “Where do you go to school?” Louis asked. 

“Oh, I don’t go to school, I’m on my way to my work at the BeechWood Café,” Harry started before Louis interrupted him. 

“BeechWood Café? But why do you take the train to the town when it’s outside of town?” Louis asked and the question made Harry frown. 

“Louis, this is the train to my job, you must be wrong” He said and looked at Louis with a forgiving look. Louis looked up at the electric neon sign, and Harry was right, he was on the wrong train and was on the way out of the town. He stood up and started walking towards the doors so he could be ready to get off the train when they reached the station. He muttered ‘fuck’ under his breath as he was walking down the train carriage. 

Just before the train came to its halt, he felt a hand on his shoulder, he turned and saw Harry sanding there. He had his drawing in his hand. “Before you go, take this, see it as a ‘gift’ since you entered the wrong train” he said and smiled, he stretched out his hand so that Louis could take the drawing, which he did and gave Harry a faint 'thank you' before getting off the train and leaving Harry.

He wrote a text message to Zayn and told him that he would be a little later than he had thought, when he had sent it, he took the drawing and was just about to put it in his bag when he realized that it was written something under Harry's signature.

" **If you ever need help finding the right train, Harry. Oh, this is my number so just write something. Okay, see you.** ”

**~H~**

After the train left the station Harry could see that Louis saw what he had written on his drawing. Harry had never done such a thing, giving random people his number, it was out of his character. The only people who had his phone number were his best friend, Niall, Harry's boss and now Louis. But Harry didn't mind, he thought Louis was nice and he just wanted to get to know him better. 

He sat down again on his place in the train and looked at his phone. Since Harry gave Louis his last piece of paper, he needed to do something else while he was waiting. 

He opened his phone and saw a text message from Niall.

**"** _Yo mate, do you have any leftovers? I'm starving_ "

His lips formed a smile at his mate's text, Niall was living in the trailer next to Harry's, they met when Harry moved to the trailer park when he got kicked out of his home. Niall was happy it was someone else his age there, and Harry was happy he made a friend, Niall made him laugh and was so supportive in Harry's recovery from self harm issues.

" _Hey, sorry mate, I ran out of money yesterday remember? That's way I took a double shift today_ "

He sended the text and put down his phone in his back pocket and looked out the window. Doncaster was a beautiful place, it's just so sad that you get judged for breathing. But it's a small town so it's not that weird. 

But Doncaster was the only place in England that was far away from Holmes Chapel so his mother couldn't find him, but it took him nearly two days to walk to Doncaster, but on the other hand his life was better now. Well, if you take away all the trauma and self harm issues. 

He felt how his phone vibrated in his pocket, he fished it out and thought it was Niall saying that he was a lying bitch for not telling him that Harry, in deed, had leftovers. But instead it was from an unknown number. 

" _Hi Harry, it's Louis. Ehm, I just wanted to say sorry for running away but i was super stressed today."_

_"Oh yeah, btw, thank you for the drawing!"_

Harry felt how his body started to become a flying mess with butterflies. He could picture the blue-eyed boy in front of him. How he had crinkles by his eyes when he smiled, or how golden his skin was when the sun kissed his skin with its light. 

He looked up and saw that his station was next, he stood up and took his stuff and started to make his way to the doors. When the train came to a halt and the doors opened, Harry made his way to the Café, it wasn't that far from the station so he would be there in no time. 

In the meantime Harry was walking, he was also looking at his phone and tried to come up with something he could write back to Louis. He wanted to write something that made Louis want to still have contact with him, but not being pushy. 

" _Hi Louis, it was my pleasure to meet you. Maybe we can meet again? Just hang out."_

He read it like a hundred times before he sent it. He was shaking because of his nerves. He didn't know what had happened with him, sure Louis was good-looking and he was nice, but Harry didn't even know if he liked boys. 

He walked into the Café. Which was a small brick building, and made his way to the " _only staff_ " door behind the cash register, where his boss was talking to some customers. She looked at Harry and shook her head as she pointed at the clock. 

He was a half hour late, but can you expect anything else when it takes 1 hour to get here with public transport. He gave her a forgiving look and opened the door to close it behind him. He walked through the small corridor that led to the dressing room. 

He took off his oversized sweatshirt and the new cuts on his arms, his skin was still red with irritation and he had small bruises around the wounds. He opened his locker and took out his white shirt and started to put it on when he heard his phone buzzing. He picked it up and saw that Louis had sent a text message, he opened it. 

  
" _I wouldn't said no to that_ "


	2. Chapter two: special

**~L~**

"I mean it Lou, you are an idiot" Zayn said as soon as he saw Louis coming through the door. He sat on a chair in the corner with his phone. 

Louis was soaking wet after the rain, he was forty-five minutes late, but to his luck, the manager was late due to the storm and since the manager was late he couldn't have his presentation. So instead he was having auditions. 

"You see, it wasn't my fault this time" Louis said after explaining his morning to Zayn. 

"So, if i get this straight. You took the wrong train and because your gay-ass found a guy, you didn't think about which direction the train was heading?" Zayn asked. Louis nodded and Zayn sighed, and continued, "did you get his number?" 

Louis felt how his cheeks started to hurt from smiling, but he nodded. He could picture the pretty boy infront of him. How his grass-green eyes glittered when the morning sun made its way through the rain clouds and how his curly hair laid like a controlled chaos on his head, it made him look like a brat but like a prince at the same time. He didn’t understand why he felt like this with the curly-headed boy, but he was special in some way. 

“Earth to Tomlinson,” he heard a voice say, when he came back to life he realized that he was at school and the voice owner was Zayn. ”Good you’re back, now, stop smiling like a psychopath” he said and gave Louis a joke punch on his arm. Louis shot him an angry look. Zayn held up his hands as if he wanted to say ‘Peace man, just telling the truth’. 

It was a short silence until Zayn opened his mouth again, “just be careful, okay?” His words had so much caring that it made Louis nervous. Zayn knew everything about him, even stuff he held from his mother, and it was one of those he knew Zayn was referring to.

“Zayn, Harry isn’t like my ex’s, I know he is-” he started but got interrupted by a strong, painful grip around his right lower arm, Zayn dragged him to the janitor’s closet. He didn’t let go until Louis heard a pang from the door behind him. He looked up at Zayn, his normal brown eyes were filled with rage, but also so much caring. Louis couldn’t see his friend like that, he looked just like his ex’s did, so he looked down at his feets. “Zayn, don’t look like that, you’re scaring me” he said and, in his mind, sounded like a scared little kid. 

“I’m sorry mate, I didn’t mean to. But you don’t know this Harry lad, he could be like all of them. You know that I’m right” He said, putting his fingers under Louis’ chin and forcing Louis to look his best mate in the eyes, that were more calmer and more caring now. 

“He is not like them” Louis said and could see the rage in Zayn’s shoulders. 

“Didn’t you say that about Steve? Peter? Max? And what did they turn up to be? Mate, you know that I just care about you, I don’t want you to go through that again,” Zayn said before taking a break looking at Louis’ arms. “How many therapists did you need until your heart was okay again? How much makeup did you buy to hide the bruises? How many times did you need to call me, just because you thought that they would kill you? How-” he said before Louis cut him off. 

“STOP!” His tears were rolling down his cheeks, he knew Zayn was right, he should be careful. But it was something about Harry that made Louis sure, sure that he wouldn't hurt him like they did. He looked down at his feets and put his hands on his face and tried to hide the fact that he was crying. He jumped a little when he felt two strong arms around him. It was a long time ago he got a hug, he had forgotten how it feels. 

“I didn’t mean to make you cry, I’m so sorry love” Zayn said and was now rubbing Louis’ back in a slow circle form and made some ‘shh’ noises. “Do you want to go and show Mr. Cowell that you are talented?” He asked Louis who nodded. 

They broke apart and Zayn opened the door and they made their way to their chairs. When they were there their teacher made his way to them. He had a white shirt with some blue jeans. His brown eyes were fixed on Louis. 

“Oh, Mr Tomlinson, you’re here. How wonderful” Mr. Cowell said sarcastically, he looked at his paper he had in his hand, Louis could see his name on it with other people from his class. “Well, you’re up, Tomlinson,” he said. 

Louis nodded and started to walk after Mr. Cowell when he felt Zayn’s hand on his arm, he turned around and looked Zayn in the eyes. “Sing so good in there so it will feel like you kicked Cowell in the balls” Zayn said and Louis just turned around. 

Mr. Cowell stopped in front of a big black door that led into the school’s stage area, Louis put his hand on the handle and opened the door. He was just about to close it when he heard Mr. Cowell says “Don’t make a foul out of yourself now.” 

Louis closed the door and turned around and to his surprise, it was a lady who sat there with her legs crossed and had papers on her lap. Her hair was black and long, just under her breast, her brown eyes were looking at him. “I guess, to my understanding, that you, like the rest, didn't think you would see a woman. It’s alright, you’re not the first, it was a typo so your teacher, Mr. Cowell said it was a man. But, clearly, I’m not” the mysterious woman said and looked down at her papers. “Demi Lovato, and your name?” she said. 

“Louis Tomlinson, I don’t think it was a typo. I know Simon, he is just sexist and homophobic. He is like that.” Louis said and Demi laughed. 

“You are a sassy one aren’t you?” Demi said. 

“Born and raised, now, can I sing my song so mister ‘you can’t sing Louis’ can let me go home?” Louis said and Demi nodded. Louis took a guitar that was standing by the wall and walked towards the room's middle part, when he was there he closed his eyes. He breathed out and started to sing his song “Only The Brave”. 

“Pour mercy, mercy on me

Set fire to history

I'm breaking my own rules

I'm crying like a fool

Tall stories on the page

Short glories on the fade

I've been close enough to touch

But I never cared for love

It's a church of burnt romances

And I'm too far gone to pray

It's a solo song

And it's only for the brave

If the truth tell

Darling, you fell

Like there ain't enough dying stars in your sky

It's a tall tale

And it's only hello, hello, no goodbye” 

“I need to stop you there Louis, you are really good so i don’t need to hear more” Demi said and wrote something on her paper. “I’ll call you,” she said and gave the paper to Louis.

-

“So she just said that you were good, nothing more?” Zayn said as he opened the door to Louis' house, it was the third time he had asked Louis this question so Louis was done with it. Instead of answering he just nodded and closed the door behind him and Zayn. 

“How many times do I need to tell you that Zayn?” Louis asked when he took off his shoes, he looked up at his friend who was concentrating on his phone. Zayn’s raven hair was styled backwards except for one loop of his hair which was hanging in front of his left brown eye. He had a red bandana tied around the neck, his black denim jacket was hanging on the coat-hanger behind him. 

“It’s just, I’ve heard you sing man. You are not just good, you are amazing, you deserve to hear more than ‘you are good’” Zayn said and, was now, looking back at his friend. Louis started to move out of the hall and made his way into the kitchen, with Zayn right behind him. 

“I don’t care, I just like the fact that the Cow got proven wrong” Louis said and heard how Zayn started laughing. Louis smiled while he took out the milk from the fridge “I’m just saying, my plan was to prove him wrong, and I did. Now are you staying for dinner?” Louis said and looked at Zayn who was making his way to get the cereals from the pantry. 

“Are you making it?” He said, with his back against Louis. 

“No, my mum,” Louis said, putting down the milk on their dinner table. 

“Then, yes, gladly” Zayn said smiling at Louis who gave him the middle finger. 

**~H~**

Harry fished up his keys from his back pocket when he was outside of his trailer. His boss gave him free sandwiches he could eat now before his salary came. He was so happy that his boss understood his lifestyle and that she was so supportive and really cared about him. When he had the keys in his hand he opened the door and took a step in before he closed the door. 

He took off his shoes and hung his jacket on his soffa. He was just about to enter his kitchen era when he saw an empty plate on his table with a note on, “ **I said I was starving** ”, Harry laughed and threw the note away. He took out the sandwiches out of his bag, left one on the table and put the rest in his fridge. He took Niall’s used plate and put it in the sink. 

He took his plate and made his way into the era where the soffa was, it was all a big room, without his bath- and bedroom. It wasn’t big, but Harry liked it. It’s better than the hell hole he lived in before. He didn’t have enough money to have a tv, so the only entertainment he had was his phone, so he took out his phone out of his pocket and saw that he had a text message from Niall. He opened it and read it. 

“Niall it’s open, just come in already” Harry screamed so his friend on the other side of the door could hear him. He saw how the handle on his door went down and only some second later his brown headed friend was standing in the doorway. He had a white shirt and some dirty black skinny jeans. Niall’s blue eyes were looking back at Harry’s green.

“Hello mate, I have pizza” he said with his irish accent, he looked at Harry’s hand and then continued, “but since you are already eating without me I’ll keep it to myself.” He took a step into the trailer and took off his shoes. He laid the pizza box on the coffee table where Harry had his feets. 

He walked into the kitchen era and grabbed a fork and a knife. He looked around and then saw his old plate in the sink, so he took it out and started to walk towards Harry again. “Mate, you know I have more plates right?” Harry asked. 

“Yeah, I know, but now you only have to clean two instead of three,” he said as he sat down on the other side of the soffa. Harry laughed and took up his phone again, he clicked on his and Louis’ chat to see if he had written anything, which he hadn’t. Harry found himself disappointed and Niall could see this. “What’s the boy's name?” he said and Harry looked up from his phone. 

“Who?” He said and he felt how his cheeks started to heat up and he wanted to slap himself, he didn’t even know Louis, but he was special, Harry just knew it. 

“The boy that you, at this right moment, are a mess for” Niall said and pointed at Harry’s phone, which made Harry look down at his phone once again. He frowned and looked back at Niall who had just put a pizza slice in his mouth. 

“His name is Louis, I met him today at the train before work” Harry said and his cheeks became a deeper shade of red, and he continued, “but I don’t know why I react like this, I mean i don't even know if he likes guys and I don’t wanna be  _ that  _ guy who falls for straight boys. But I think he likes boys a little since he agreed on hanging out but I haven’t answered him since then so maybe he -” he got interrupted by Niall who had put his hand over his face and sighed. 

“Why haven’t you answered him? Like you don’t have the right to frown at your phone like a kid over the fact that he hasn’t written anything, if you haven’t answered yet.” Niall mumbled behind his hand.

“But I don’t know what I should write” Harry said and gave Niall the phone, who gladly took it from his hand and started to write something. “What are you writing?” Harry said and he could hear the fear in his own voice. 

“Chill, I’m just writing ‘oh, cool, when?’” he said smiling and Harry wanted to kick him in the face right there and then. "I'll do anything for Larry," he said after a short silence.

Harry took his phone from Niall and looked confused at him, "who is Larry?" Harry then asked. But before Niall could answer him, Harry felt how his phone vibrated in his hand and he looked down on it. 

Louis had answered Harry's latest text - the one Niall wrote. Harry read the message out loud and felt how his heart broke, "I don't know, Friday? Is it cool if I bring Zayn on our lad-hang?"


	3. Chapter two: Undrunk

**~H~**

"I'm sorry mate, want me to make tea or something?" Niall said after a long time of Harry being quiet and Niall going back and forth between the kitchen and living room era, which was a walk under one minute. 

Harry's face was blank, like a canvas before the paint told the viewer a story. He didn't know what he wanted, but mostly didn't he know why he was so affected by this. He didn't even know the lad. 

"Harry, I'm so sorry, want me to do something for you? Like grab something from the store or, I don't know, kill Louis?" Niall said looking directly at Harry who was sitting on the same spot. 

"No it's fine, just a crush that's been crushed it's okay really" Harry said looking up at his best friend, Niall's face was filled with frightening and a fragment of sadness. Niall could read Harry like an opened book, which in this case made it harder for Harry. 

"Stop lying," Niall said and made his way to Harry's spot on the sofa, he sat down and laid an arm around Harry to support him. "Just tell me what to do," he said. 

"Don't do anything, I just - I don't know what I want," Harry said and stood up. He started to walk toward his bedroom door before he turned around, "I know that you won't leave me in this state, so can you spoon me? I don't want to be alone" Harry said to Niall who nodded.

Niall stood up and went to meet Harry at the door, he laid an arm around Harry and they walked in. This is normal for them, Niall is the only person Harry let spoon him. Not that he has feelings for Naill, but because Niall is the only one who cares enough. 

He has always been there when Harry has been at treatment for cutting and alcohol problems and he had been there when Harry got home. 

"Why aren't you taking off your shirt Harry?" Niall said looking at a speechless Harry. He didn't think that Niall would sleep here for a while. 

"'M could" Harry said, but Niall knew him better. He stood up from the bed, which was taking up nearly half of Harry's room, and walked over to Harry. He took Harry's hand in his right and used his left to roll up Harry's sleeves. 

He didn't need to roll them up too far before the red painted skin was visible to Niall's eyes. Harry heard Niall gasp before he took up his phone from his back pocket. But before he could do anything Harry grabbed Niall's phone, "please it was one slip up, I promise it won't happen again. I promise. Okay?" Said Harry and looked at a shocked Niall. 

"Okay, but if you do anything like that again, I'll kill you" Niall said and went back to bed, Harry rolled down his sleeve and went to join Niall in bed. 

But before he could sleep, a certain person came up in mind that made Harry's stomach fall. He heard Niall's snore behind him and how his hand hung loose on Harry's hip. For a split second Harry wished it was Louis before he closed his eyes and slowly drifted away. 

-

Harry woke up by the sound of the room door shut close. He opened his eyes and was dazzled by the light from the morning sun, the light irritated his sore eyes. 

He sat up in the bed and rubbed his eyes to get away the soreness from them. He looked up at his wardrobe that was just a closet without any doors since he didn't have enough space. He took off his green sweatshirt that he had on the other day and put on a t-shirt instead, and with it he had skinny black jeans. 

Before he walked out he took up his phone and saw that it was 10 am, he put down his phone in his back pocket and made his way to the door. 

He opened the door and walked out, he could see Niall in the kitchen era on his right. But instead of going to the kitchen he opened the door on his left to go into the toilet. 

He looked himself in the mirror, his icy green eyes looking back at the figure in front of him. His hair stood everywhere and his eyes were sleepy. He fixed himself, put some water in his hair so it could help him style it better later before his work. He even washed his face with some water before he decided that he was ready to eat some breakfast. 

He opened the door and made his way to his kitchen, Niall was still standing there but this time he had a cup of tea in his hand. He also had one of the sandwiches that Harry’s boss gave him yesterday. Harry opened the fridge and took out one for him as well, he turned around to check if the water on the stove was still warm, which it was. He took a mug and a tea bag.

“How do you feel today, Harry?” He heard Niall say behind his back. Harry sighed. Not because he felt bad or anything, just because he hated that question and everybody seems to love it. 

“Alright, I’m going to work late tonight so I’m buzzing since I can’t wait to meet all the drunk people” he said sarcastically. He didn’t have anything against people he was under the influence of alcohol or drugs, it just made him miss it a lot. He usually didn’t take those shifts but he really needed the money.

“Nice, who knows, maybe you can find a new friend,” Niall said and fake cried. Harry punched him on his left arm and took a sip of his tea. Niall laughed and did the same. 

A silence fell between the two of them, it wasn't awkward, just quiet. Harry liked it, he had read somewhere that that's the best relationship is when you can be quiet and it's not awkward. 

If it only could last a bit longer, "how do you feel about the thing with Louis?" Niall said breaking the silence. Harry was quite shocked, the force he had when he looked up at his friend made him nearly drop his tea mug. 

"It is what it is" Harry said and looked down again. He wanted to forget Louis in that specific way. Which Niall saw. 

"When do you start working?" Niall said, Harry looked up at the clock. 

"4 hours, so I should get ready," he said, he looked up at his mate who was trying to understand why he needed so much time to get ready. So he continued, "it takes an hour with the train, and then the walk. And I like to be early" 

He put his mug in his sink and made his way back to the bathroom. 

He opened and closed the door behind him, he heard Niall shouting something before he closed the front door. Harry got undressed and stepped into his shower. 

When he was done he put in the clothes he had earlier. He opened the door and walked out of the bathroom, he put on some music and started to clean up a little. 

-

"How may I help you?" Harry asked the women next in line, he had been at his job since 2 pm and the clock was soon 12 am. It was around this time all the drunk people came and wanted something to eat and since it was a Friday night, he could also meet a lot of drunk people his age. 

"A hmm sandwich" she mumbled. Harry started to make her ham sandwich, he put on the cold ham and some fried egg with some chips and put it on the desk. 

"That would be 5.50, love" he said, trying to be his best to be nice. He wasn't horrible normally, but drunk people react differently. 

The woman gave him the money and took her sandwich, Harry was too busy with putting in the money to notice the new customers face. But froze when he heard the familiar voice. "HARREH!"

Louis. Louis Tomlinson was standing in his job, in the line, in the middle of the night. “Hi Louis,” Harry said, trying to not sound as hurt as he felt. Harry didn’t even know why he was hurt, Louis just thought that they were friends and that’s what Harry wanted as well. Right?

“‘m drunk” Louis said, when he opened his mouth Harry could smell the familiar smell of alcohol, he could feel his heart sink in his chest. 

“Yeah I could feel that Lou,” Harry said, trying to smile without showing Louis his thoughts. “Do you want-” he started before Louis interrupted him. 

“Zayn thinks that you will hurt me, like how my ex’s hurted me” he said, frowning. He looked down at his hands and looked like a scared little kid, the sight of him so vulnerable made Harry’s heart beat faster. He just wanted to hug the scared Louis, and stay like that until he felt better. But he couldn't o that, he stayed behind the desk. 

“I won’t hurt you, I promise” Harry said and put his hand on Louis’. 

This made Louis look up into Harry’s green eyes. “All my ex’s said that to me, but they ended up hurting me” Louis said. He was about to open his mouth when Harry interrupted him.

“I want to hear your story Louis, but not now. Not when you are under the influence of alcohol nor do I want to hear it when you aren’t ready. Do you have anyone i can call that can take care of you?” Harry said to a frowning Louis. Harry hoped that he hadn’t hurt him by his words, but Louis just nodded and gave Harry his phone. 

“My friend Zayn, his name is Zebra on my phone. He is probably looking for me” Louis said and smiled. Harry took the unlocked phone, but he felt bad about Louis so he looked around and saw a cupcake on the side. He took it and handed it to Louis. 

“You can sit down, I’ll call Zayn,” Harry said and Louis nodded and made his way to an empty table in front of the desk. Harry looked down at the phone and pressed the phone symbol on the device and looked till he found Zayn. He moved the phone to his ears. 

Someone picked up after some seconds, “Where the fuck are you?” a voice on the other line said which Harry assumed was Zayn. 

“Ehm, this is Harry. Louis is here, ehm, on Beechwood Café.” Harry said. 

“Of course that motherfucker went there. Okay, Harry, just keep an eye on him, I’ll be there soon” Zayn said and hung up the phone. 

Harry looked over at Louis after he put down Louis' phone on the desk. He saw how the blue-eyed boy struggled to eat his cupcake, he had some frosting around his mouth. Watching a drunk Louis eat was like watching a toddler eat. Harry was so caught up on watching Louis that he couldn't feel his heart beat faster.


	4. Chapter four: Sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, Jonna here.  
> I just wanted to say thank you to you all who's been reading this story. It's mean a lot to me, in fact, right now I'm crying at 11 pm just because you reading my story.   
> This chapter is shorter than the other ones, and I'm so sorry for that, but I felt that the horrible thing that will happen needs to have its own chapter. So I just want to put a trigger warning for chapter five, that I will start writing now. 
> 
> I will no longer disturb your reading, have a lovely day/night and i hoe you'll love this chapter.   
> Your sincerely, Jonna

**~H~**

After an hour a raven haired boy walked through the front door. The boy's skin was golden-brown, well the few centimeters where he didn't have tattoos. His brown eyes looked back into Harry's green ones. When their eyes met, the boy started to move forward. 

Normally, boys who looked this good would've made him nervous. But this boy didn't, it felt strange looking at someone else, Harry didn't know why but it did. 

The boy was in front of him now, he smelled like cinnamon and vanilla and when he opened his mouth his South British accent spilled out. "Harry right? Where is Louis? And also do you have a place I can hide his body?" The boy said. 

Harry chuckled and pointed over to Louis, "over there. Zayn, right?" Harry said with a smile on his face while he looked at Louis. He looked back at Zayn who was watching Harry, "and for answering the last question, no i don't know a place" he said and smiled. 

Zayn didn't say much, he smiled and turned around so he could walk towards Louis. Louis looked up at his mate and a smile made its way on his face, he still had frosting on his face along with some on his shirt. 

"Zebraaa, you came, oh I've missed you," Louis said and stood up. He looked over to Harry and his smile went wider, "Harreh, this is Zebra my best mate. Isn't he handsome?" He said and all Harry could do was nod. 

"Well, he has a boyfriend named Liam, so you're stuck with me" Louis said and Harry could see how Zayn's cheeks went red when his mate said his boyfriends name. 

Louis was about to say something before Zayn put his hand in front of his mouth, "shut up before you tell him something you will regret" he said to Louis. Then Zayn looked over at a frowning Harry and said, "thanks for looking out for him. Have a good night" 

He turned around and walked out of the door with Louis hugging his side. The view made Harry's stomach hurt, for some reason that he didn't know the answer to. Nor couldn’t he understand why he wanted to be Zayn in that situation. 

  
  


**~L~**

When Louis’ sore eyes opened up, the light from the window made them feel like they would explode in pain. His head was nearly hanging in there and he had no clue on where he was, but he felt that he was laying on a couch. He looked around in the room and with his newly awaked brain he tried to understand where he was. 

“Oh look, the idiot is awake” he heard someone say, he didn’t need to check the source of the voice. He knew it came from a certain raven haired boy named Zayn, but he still didn’t know where he was. It didn’t look like Zayn’s apartment. 

Louis put his hand in front of his eyes to make some of the pain go away, ”okay two things” he started. “Why am I an idiot this time, and where am I?” he continued. He heard footsteps behind him, that he understood was Zayn’s, and he heard how they came closer and closer til they stopped next to him. Then he felt how the couch was sinking right next to him.

“Well, yesterday you decided to visit Harry while you were so drunk” Zayn said and Louis felt how his heart dropped in his chest. But he couldn’t ask Zayn anything before the boy opened the mouth again, “And we are in Liam’s apartment,” Zayn said.

Louis took away his hand so he could look Zayn in the eyes, his brown eyes that were so full of caring and love. He was so thankful that Zayn was his best friend, he knew that he couldn’t drive Louis home while he was drunk because his mum would kill him.

"Okay, where is Liam then?" Louis asked, he loved how much Zayn blushed when he heard his boyfriends name. 

"He is out shopping, but I thought that maybe you can go home and leave us alone?" Zayn asked and looked back into Louis' eyes, who nodded. 

-

He was outside the entré to Beechwood Café, he had a paper bag with him that had a wine bottle and some chocolate in it. He wanted to say sorry to Harry for being drunk the other night. But he was scared that Harry would hate him. 

He opened the door and looked over to Harry who stood behind the desk, in front of the desk was a man. Louis didn't care about how the man looked, all he could focus on was Harry. His curly hair, his green eyes and his smile that shoved off his dimples. 

He waited until the man was done with his order before he went over to the desk. 

"Well, well, isn't it my Hazza?" Louis said and Harry snapped up his head, his green eyes met Louis' blue. "I just wanted to say sorry for being so drunk yesterday, so here is a "I'm so sorry" bag, hope you'll like it" Louis said and gave Harry the bag. 

"Hi Louis, no problem, you are quite cute when you're drunk" Harry said and smiled, he was about to open the bag when Louis stopped him. 

"Open it when you get home, okay?" Louis said and Harry nodded. Louis smiled and they talked for a bit before Harry needed to take care of the kitchen and Louis went home with a smile on his face.


	5. Chapter five: Darkness

**!TRIGGER WARNING!**

**~H~**

Harry opened up his door and closed it behind him. His smile was still on his face, he couldn’t believe that Louis gave him a present that he yet hadn’t opened yet. Mostly because Louis told him not to, but also because he wanted to be alone so no one would ask him any questions. He put the bag on his table in front of his couch, and sat down on the couch just looking at the bag. He was too nervous to open it, he didn’t like when people got him gifts because he felt that he didn’t deserve them.

He stretched out his hands and hugged the bag with them, the form of the item inside made his heart drop. It’s a bottle. He took down his hands in the bag, and he was right, there it was his old friend. 

He took out the bottle and placed it on his table, without stopping looking at it. It was like glue, he couldn’t take his eyes off it. How much he had missed it, how much he wanted to go back to that time. His hands were shaking, the tears burned on his cheeks and in his eyes. 

Harry stood up, his eyes still on the bottle, and walked towards his kitchen to get a glass. The voices in his head were screaming, but his heart told him to stop. He took out a glass out of his cabinet and moved slowly to the couch again. He sat down and put the glass near the bottle. 

He felt how his body slowly moved his hand towards the bottle, but he couldn’t stop himself. It was like he saw himself outside of his body, he saw how curly hair was hanging in front of his face. He saw how his hand slowly made its way towards the bottle and it felt like his mind was stuck outside of him. 

He felt the cold bottle in his hands, he was holding it tightly so his hand was a white. His mind screamed at him to stop, but his brain was certain that a glass wouldn’t hurt.

After the cork was off, the red Cherry wine filled the glass with it’s blood-like liquid. He filled it to the top before he stopped, he placed the bottle where it stood just some minutes ago. When he took the glass, it felt like everything happened in slomo, but also in seconds at the same time.

When the edge of the glass touched his lips, the red, blood-like liquid poured into his mouth and the familiar bitterness filled his throat. Harry’s voices in his head stopped which made his eyes winded, and he emptied the glass and shortly poured another. 

After the second one, he stood up and felt the familiar dizziness and that made him realize what he had done. He looked at his hand who had the glass in a tight grip, he smashed it on the floor. He looked at the pieces on the floor and his mind started screaming again. But this time for another reason. 

The guilt in his body made him mad, mad at himself for being so selfish. Being so dumb. The madness on himself grew and slowly ate up the guilt, and suddenly all he felt he wanted to show himself a lesson. He walked over to his toilet and opened the door. 

He started looking after the familiar box, the box with the lesson in it. He found it on his sink, he looked up and saw himself. The tears had left red marks on his cheeks and his eyes were dark and filled with hate. He took his fist and boxed his mirror which caused it to break. 

“That’s what you get for being so dumb, you idiot” he said to himself in the broken mirror. He sat down on the floor and opened the box and took out a blade. He was about to place it on his skin when he heard how someone called his name. Niall. 

Quickly he made a large cut and he could hear a gasp from his right, he looked up and saw his friend with tears in his eyes and a phone in his hand. 

“I am sorry Niall” was his words before the world went black.

**~N~**

Niall was just about to open his front door when he heard a sound from Harry’s trailer, he started walking towards the trailer. He felt how his heart started to beat in his ears, he was afraid that Harry might have done something bad. He knew that Harry probably was safe and just dropped something, or that’s what he told himself anyway. 

He laid his hand on the knob when he heard another sound, this made him open the door so fast that he nearly fell. He stepped in and directly saw glass on the floor with red liquid in it, he looked around to see if Harry had the source to the liquid anywhere. Which he had. On the table near his couch was a wine bottle with Cherry wine.

Niall could hear his heartbeat in his ear, he was so afraid that something had happened. He took out the phone and dialed 999, before anyone on the other line answered he screamed his mates name and started to walk towards Harry’s room. 

He saw that the toilet door was open and he looked inside and the view made him feel sick. Harry sat on the floor with a blade in his hand and a big cut on his arm. Since Harry had alcohol in his blood, Niall knew that Harry needed an ambulance. 

Harry looked up at Niall and said “I am so sorry Niall” before he looked dead. 

“Sir, what’s the emergency?” an older lady said on the phone. 

“My friend Harry, Harry Styles is bleeding and he has alcohol in his blood, just get me an ambulance” Niall screamed as he knelt down beside Harry and took off his own shirt so he could wrap it around the wound. 

Niall’s white shirt looks red in just some minutes. Everything felt like a blur, he knew that he told the lady where they were. But after that he zoomed out, he just sat there with tears in his eyes and waited for the people who will save his best friend's life. 

He came back from the daze when he felt a hand on his shoulder, he looked behind him and saw a man standing behind him with a smile on his face. Niall stood up and backed away from Harry’s body, he saw how the man and a woman took the lifeless body out of the trailer. 

A third person came in and walked over to Niall, “Hi Niall, I’m Mickey and i work for the police. Your friend is safe, and he will survive this” Niall nodded and thanked the man. 

After the man walked out of the trailer, Niall started to clean up. This wasn’t the first time something like this happened, but it was a while ago since the last time so he had forgotten how hard it is to see Harry so lifeless. 

He mopped up the blood that was on the bathroom floor, when he thought that he was done he saw a box under the sink. He took it and opened it, in it was three blades. Niall opened the toilet seat and threw the blades down and flushed. He did the same with a blade that laid on the floor near the door before he walked out of the room to pick up the pieces of glass in the living area.

He took the bottle of wine and poured out the rest in the sink in Harry’s kitchen. He took a bag that lay on the floor near the couch, he looked into it and saw chocolate and a piece of paper. He took out the paper and read it. 

**_“I’m sorry for yesterday, hope this will make it up for it._ **

**_Louis xx”_ **

Niall crumpled the paper and put it in his pocket, he walked out of the trailer and locked it. A million thoughts ran through his mind, and some of them made him angry at the blue eyed boy.


	6. Chapter six: Ghosted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, me again.   
> I just wanted to ask if you could comment what you think about the story so far.   
> Okay that's all.   
> All the love,   
> Jonna

**~L~**

Harry. The curly lad that haunts Louis thoughts and dreams, hasn’t text him back nor has he called Louis one time in the past 3 months. But the thought of him hasn’t left Louis mind, maybe he had bigger things to do then be with Louis all day. 

But Louis tried to live a life without the curly headed boy being in his mind, but it was hard. When he fell asleep all he could dream about was Harry getting hurt, but when he was awake he could see the lad smiling in his mind. Right now he was laying in his bed looking at the ceiling, he didn’t know why but he felt like a machine as if he didn’t have any feelings. Nowadays he just lived through the days without feeling anything, it’s like when Harry started ghosting him, a part of him disappeared with him. 

When he ran out of things he needed to do, he was just laying in his bed watching something on his tv or just looking at his ceiling. The first month he was at Harry’s work everyday, but he wasn’t there. Only a bitter Irish lad, as soon as Louis walked through the door the lad would look at him with daggers in his eyes. 

Louis heard footsteps outside his door, he knew they belonged to his mum. Mostly because she would look after him to see if she could say anything. He heard how his door opened and his mom’s lovely voice, “Louis, how do you feel today?”

“‘m fine mum, I’m just tired,” Louis said, not looking at her. 

The footsteps came closer and he felt how his mom sat down on his bed next to him, “don’t lie to me, love. Why can’t you tell me what’s going on? You know that I’ll always be here for you” his mom said and tears started falling from Louis' eyes. 

He sat up and looked his mom in the eyes, the pity in them nearly made him cry again. How could he lie to her, she was there for him when his ex’s broke up with him, when the boys in his class made fun of him for being gay. She knew him. “I met this boy 3 months ago, he was perfect. Is perfect. But he started ghosting me after some days, and still does” Louis said. 

His mom placed her hand under his eyes to wipe away his tears, Louis leaned in to the touch. “A person who leaves sad tears on your face isn't perfect, nor will it help them or you if you defend them. Louis, my love, you can’t let this boy control you like your ex’s did.” his mother said looking him in the eyes.

Louis sat there silent, he didn’t know how he couldn’t let those words destroy the pictures of Harry in his mind. It was something in his mind that told him that Harry might have an explanation for his behavior. But he knew that his mother was right. 

He felt how his phone started vibrating and his heart started to sped up, he picked up his phone and felt nothing but hurt. On the display it was a number he didn’t know, but he still answered it. “Hi, its Louis” 

“Hi Louis, this is Demi. You auditioned for me some months ago” A female voice said on the other side. “I’m sorry that I called you on a Saturday, but it’s only because I wanted to ask if you could come in next Tuesday and start working with us?” Demi continued. 

“I- uhm, wow, yes I would like that very much” Louis said. He could feel how his cheeks started hurting because of his big smile, he looked over at his mom again who sat there as a big question mark. 

“Good, see you then. Have a nice week.” Demi said and hung up the phone. Louis smiled and jumped out of his bed and started to dance. 

“Love, who was that?” His mom said. Louis looked up at her and described everything, when he was done his mom stood up and hugged Louis, “OMG congrats, we need to celebrate this” his mom said walking out of the room. 

-

Louis sat in his room writing when he heard how the front door opened and how voices started talking. His mom really wanted to celebrate this, is not like Louis minded he just thought it would be them and some pizza. But she invited a lot of people, he heard how footsteps came closer and stopped in front of his door.

He heard how someone opened the door, but he didn’t look up until they closed the door behind them. In front of him was Zayn and Liam, Louis smiled at the sight of his friend and his boyfriend. He had texted Zayn and told him about the news, but he invited himself and Liam to come over to celebrate. 

He didn’t have anything against them, it’s just all the “lovely” bullshit made him think about Harry. He didn’t have anything against that either, it just hurted a little knowing that he wouldn’t have Harry like he wanted Harry. 

But he could see that Zayn was happy and that’s all Louis wanted. “Oh well hi” Louis said and smiled. 

They started talking about things Louis didn't listen to, all he could think about was Harry. He could see him in his mind so clear that he for a second thought that he was there with him. But when Louis double checked he realized that he wasn’t. 

He couldn’t understand why he was so upset that Harry ghosted him, they weren’t close. They had just met, but yet was Harry a part of his life, he felt how his heart started beating faster when the lad was near. He hasn’t felt that since he and Max started dating. 

The night went on as if nothing had happened, like if no one knew what Louis thought or felt. But Louis knew he had a big crush on Harry. 

\- 

_ The room was black, no one around. Louis looked around himself, he needed to find a way out he couldn’t be trapped in this darker anymore. A smell of wine made its way to Louis' nose, but he couldn’t find the bottle near. He followed the scent blindly.  _

_ He walked what felt like hours and seconds at the same time. He felt how he was standing in front of a door, he held out his hand and laid it on the handle. It was cold under his warm hand, he slowly opened the door.  _

_ Inside of the room was the walls white, nothing on the walls but a bed in the middle. The scent of wine was changed to nothing. Louis walked in and turned around to close the door when a beeping sound crashed the silence that he got used to. He turned around and he was in a hospital room, on the bed lay a man and around him were people dressed in blue.  _

_ The blue people talked to each other with words Louis couldn’t take in. He walked forward and put his hand on the bed. He looked at his hands and they were covered in blood, the view made him feel sick so he looked up at the man. The man had big bruises on his body. His curly hair was an unwashed mess on the pillow.  _

_ He felt how a hand was on his shoulder and he looked behind him. Behind him was the bitter Irish lad, he looked at Louis with hateful eyes. “Do you see what you’ve done Louis?” the lad said.  _

__

_ He looked back at the man on the bed. It was then he saw who the man was, Harry. _

\- 

The buzzing sound woke him up from his dream. He felt how his sweat was running down his forehead. He opened his eyes and looked over to his bedside table where his phone laid. He picked it up and saw that he was a private number calling him. 

He answered the phone and moved his hand to his ears, “hi it’s Louis, who is this and why do you call me in the morning?” he said with his raspy morning voice to the person on the other side. 

“Hi Louis, this is Harry and it’s not morning it's noon” he heard Harry say before he giggled on the other side. Louis flew up from his bed so fast he nearly saw stars before his eyes. 

“Harry, why are you calling me from a private number when you’ve been ghosting me for 3 months?” Louis said a littöe bit too angry. 

“I’m sorry for that, but I promise you I will explain everything if you help me,” Harry said and waited on Louis to answer. 

“Okay, what?” Louis said a little sassy. 

“Okay I get that you will judge me now. But can you drive to Borehamwood rehab in London? I would’ve asked Niall but he is in Ireland and I don’t want to be here longer than I need to” Harry said. 

“Okay, I will, but I hope you know what I want to know why you did this,” Louis said. 

Before he could hang up Harry said “Oh, when you get here just agree when they ask if you’re my boyfriend. Okay? Good see you soon, Louis.” Louis was paralyzed, he felt how butterflies started forming in his stomach. The sound of someone hanging up made him come back to life. He walked over to his wardrobe and picked out an outfit. 

He walked out of his room and walked down the stairs. He opened the front door when he heard footsteps behind him, he turned around and saw his mom standing there with her arms crossed over her stomach. “Where are you going?” she said 

“To London to drive Harry home from rehab” Louis said and turned around, “bye mom” he said as he closed the door before she could say anything.


	7. Chapter seven: Borehamwood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for a late update, but December is a very hard month for me. But here it is, Larry content.

**~L~**

The big redish building was in front of him, by the looks of it, it was a four floor building. The entry had a big black door with a sign on it which said “ _ Borehamwood Rehab, open at all times” _ . Louis put his hand on the handle and pressed it down, the big door opened in front of him. He took a step in and turned around to close the big door. 

When the door was closed he turned around and saw a big waiting room with a reception to his left. The room was filled with black couches that were standing on the light brown wood floor. He also saw some glass tables between some couhes. He could see two doors, one into the rehab and one to the bathroom. 

Louis turned left and started walking towards the receptionist that was standing behind a desk watching his every move. She was wearing a white shirt with a black skirt and had a big smile on her face. Louis smiled back and took out his ID. 

“Hi, my name is Louis Tomlinson and I’m here to pick up Harry Styles” he said and put the ID on the desk. The lady nodded and took his ID, after she was done looking at it she put it on the desk. Louis took it and she went to dial a number on the phone.

“Hi it’s Eleanor, Louis Tomlinson is here to pick up patient Harry Styles. Is the patient ready to check out - Oh okay see you in a bit” Eleanor put down the phone and looked over to Louis, “You can sit down, Mr. Styles will be ready to go home in some minutes” she said and smiled. 

“Thank you,” Louis said and turned around to walk to the nearest couch. He sat down and took out his phone so he could look at it while he was waiting on Harry. But Eleanor had other plans. He looked up when he heard high heels clicking on the floor and saw the skinny girl stand in front of him with some papers in her hands.

“Sorry to disturb you, but you need to write under these papers before Harry can go home with you” Eleanor said and sat down beside him. She put the papers and a pen on the glass table in front of them. “Since Mr. Styles are done with everything, and we don’t want to keep him longer than he needs, I can help you fill them out” she continued. 

“Thanks Eleanor, everything to get him home” Louis said with a smile and they started to fill the papers and a contract that Louis will take care of Harry for a month to make sure that he doesn’t relapse, which he gladly signed under. 

“Good, that’s all. I’ll tell them to walk Mr. Styles down” Eleanor said before she walked over to the desk and picked up the phone. It was then Louis felt how nervous he was to meet Harry again, he was afraid how he would react. To distract himself he picked up his phone and texted his mom that he won’t come home since he needs to take care of Harry. 

His fingers shaked over the keyboard on his phone and his heart was beating so fast that he thought it was one of his panic attacks. This distraction didn’t help so much. He started to whisper ‘calm down’ and heard how a door opened. 

He looked up and saw two men with white shirts who walked over to Louis, Louis felt how his heart started to beat even faster than before. One of the men had a small, orange bag in his hand. “Are you Louis Tomlison, Harry’s boyfriend?” One of them said and Louis nodded. “Okay. Mr. Styles are just behind that door, do you want us to go with you?” The same man said and Louis nodded again. 

The other man stretched out his hand and gave Louis the bag, when he opened it he saw some pill bottles, “since you will take care of Mr. Styles, you need to give him those everyday. It’s anti-depression pills that will make him feel a little bit better.” The man said and Louis nodded. 

They started walking toward a black door that had a “Rehab Entry”-sign over it. When they were in front of it, one of the men opened the door and right behind it was a staircase. One other girl with white shirt and a black skirt was standing next to the staircase and on the staircase was the man who keeps haunted his dreams and thoughts.

His curly hair had grown a lot the last three months, it was nearly down to his shoulders now. He had a black t-shirt on and Louis could spot a lot of white scars that made his heart drop. He looked at Harry’s face and his green eyes were looking at Louis the same way Louis looked at him. 

Louis ran over to the boy and hugged him. The smell of vanilla mixed with the smell of apples made Louis feel like home, he had missed the smell of Harry. He could feel Harry’s hands on his back and how his tears started to run down Louis’ back, Louis started to rub his hand on Harry’s back and felt how he kept the tears in. 

“I’m so sorry Louis” he heard Harry whisper in Louis' ear. Just the sound of the voice in real life made the hidden tears in Louis’ eyes come out to light. He shook his head, but didn’t trust his voice enough to speak. 

The time and the background got blurry, everything that matters is what Harry infront of him. All his mind could take in was the burning touch Harry’s hand on his skin, how could and wanting the other places his skin felt. It felt like hours but also like seconds until he felt a cold hand on his shoulder that he knew weren’t Harry’s. “You guys are adorable but you need to leave, Harry you need to talk to Miss Calder at the front desk” a voice very close to him said.

He felt how Harry’s hands left his body, his skin got cold and screamed for his touch again. He stood up and looked down at Harry who had his green eyes set on one of the men behind Louis, “thanks Dann” Harry said and stood up. Louis backed away and took Harry’s bag and threw it over his shoulders and walked after Harry, who was heading towards the front desk.

-

He watched Harry talking to the Eleanor girl, the weight of Harry’s bag didn’t make any way into Louis’ mind. All he could see was the prettiest man he had ever seen, and that man started to walk towards him with a smile on his face. His dimples showed them self and Louis could feel the butterflies in his stomach. 

“So can we go home to me? I’m tired of this place” Harry said and laughed a little. He started to walk towards the door when he turned around and looked back at Louis, “are you coming?” he said and Louis nodded. 

Harry put his hand on the handle and pressed it down and opened the door, he walked out and held up the door for Louis. Louis stepped out and felt the wind under his shirt. He heard how the door closed behind him, some seconds after he felt how someone was beside him. They walked quiet beside each other to Louis’ car. 

This moment and the one they had inside the rehab is like day and night, it is so quiet but comfortable at the same time. They slowly made their way to Louis’ car, there it stood on the, nearly, empty parking lot. 

He fished after the car key in his pocket and took it out, he unlocked the car and opened the tailgate and threw in Harry’s bag. He heard how Harry opened the front door and sat down in the car, so Louis closed the tailgate and moved forward to his door. He opened it and jumped in, he could feel Harry’s arm on his skin. The burning feeling from Harry’s warm body made Louis’ skin hungry for more.

But before that could happen he started the car and made his way out from the parking lot. The tension was so strong that you probably need a sewing machine to cut it through, so Louis knew that he needed the question that they both knew needed an answer. “Why did you do it?” Louis asked. 

Harry sighed and took in a deep breath, “Well, your wine is the reason so i guess you need to know” Harry said. Louis felt how his heart slowly disappeared in his body. “I´m sorry I ghosted you, but I wasn’t allowed to use my phone. I know that you’ll judge me, but I need to be honest with you.

“Everything started when I came out to my mom, at the time my sister Gemma and her boyfriend still lived with us. So she couldn’t kill me there and then. But when they moved out, she became the devil and I became her boxing bag. She screamed harsh things at me and made me feel her pain through the punches.” He stopped, he turned his face so he was facing out the window and Louis could hear him cry. 

“Until she kicked me out, I was afraid that I would be homeless. I was only fourteen and scared. I took out my phone and saw that the closest place I could live was a trailer park outside of Doncaster, so I walked for two days. I didn’t sleep, I didn’t eat, I just walked till I saw my new home. I thought that my life would be better now, but i got addicted to drinking and cutting. It took two year until I stopped drinking, but cutting has been something I've done in periods. I was sober for two years, well nearly two years-”

“Until I gave you that bottle,” Louis finished the sentence. Harry was quiet and Louis didn’t know what to say. “I’m so sorry for that, Harry,” he said after a while. He looked at the open road in front of him. He couldn’t understand that Harry had been through that, he didn’t want to understand that. 

“It’s okay, you didn’t know. I’m tired, I can put in my address so you can find it” Harry said and took out his phone. He placed the phone on top of the car’s radio and faced the window again. It wasn’t long until Louis could hear Harry’s snore. 

-

**~H~**

The feeling of being shacked woke Harry up, when he opened his eyes he saw Louis’ big blue eyes looking straight into his own. The way these eyes made him feel, it was terrifying knowing that those eyes had so much power over him. Harry looked away to make sure he wouldn’t be hypnotised by them, he looked forward and saw the familiar trailers standing in not so pretty lines. He could see the person who was responsible for the park standing looking at them. 

“Good you’re awake, that lady thought that I drugged you or some bullshit” Louis said and laughed a little, the sound of his giggle released Harry's butterflies out of their cages, if he wasn’t hypnotised by his eyes, then his giggle will be it. 

Harry looked into Louis’ eyes again and smiled, he stepped out of the car and moved alongside Louis to the short lady. Magrid, she was standing there with a big smile on her face. Her blue shirt was tight over the fake boobs, and her sweatpants were tight on her legs.

“Harry, welcome home” Magrid said with a smile so wide that you could see all the empty places where her teets should’ve been. She stretched out her arms and pulled Harry in for a hug, Harry hugged her back even though the smell of crack made him gag. He pulled away from the hug and Magrid looked over at Louis, “come ‘ere pretty boy” she said and hugged him. Louis smiled and hugged back. 

“Magrid, it’s nice to be home again,” Harry said and she let Louis go from the hug so she could look at Harry. Louis made his way to Harry's left side again and looked over to the lady and smiled. Harry stretched out his hand and pointed at Louis and said “this is Louis.” 

“Oh, this pretty boy is yours? Your lucky Harry” she said and smiled wide. Harry looked over at Louis who looked embarrassed. He stood there and looked down at his hands that were playing with each other. Harry looked over at Magrid and smiled a smile that said ‘long day’ and she smiled. “Enjoy this place Louis, but remember, the walls of the trailers are thin, I don't want to hear you pretty boys all night. Okay?” Magrid said.

Her statement made Louis look up at her and his cheeks were red as a cherry. But he smiled at the older lady, Harry felt bad for Louis; he hasn’t had a Magrid in his life before, so he took Louis’ hand and started walking towards his trailer. 

He saw his trailer next to the only trailer with an Irish flag, Niall of course. He looked over at Louis and saw that he had his bag over his shoulders so he walked forward and opened one of the pockets to fish out his keys. When he felt the familiar steal in his hand, he took out the keys and put them in the door and unlocked the door. He turned around and looked at Louis, “It’s not pretty in there, you don't need to stay if you don’t want to,” Harry said. 

“I told that Eleanor girl to take care of you for a month, I’m not leaving you” Louis said and Harry smiled before he turned around and opened the door into his trailer. He stepped in and made some room for Louis to come in. He looked at him and waited for a response. Louis stepped in and looked around before he looked over at Harry with a smile on his face, “it’s pretty, Harry,” he said. Harry smiled back and took his bag from Louis’ shoulder and made his way to his bedroom. 

He heard how Louis walked behind him, but instead of feeling creeped out. He felt safe and happy that he cared this much about him. 

He opened the door into his bedroom and dropped the bag on the floor and turned around, it was then he realized how close Louis was. He could feel Louis' nose on his, they both looked into each other's eyes before Louis turned around and started to walk towards Harry’s soffa. “So, since the clock is late, we should sleep. Where do you want me to sleep?” Louis asked looking around, 

“Ehm, not to creep you out. But every time I come home from therapy or rehab, Niall, my Irish friend, always spoon me.So if you are okay with that, can we?” Harry said and looked down at his hands since he didn't dare look into Louis’ eyes. He heard footsteps coming closer and he saw Louis’ feet and legs standing in front of him.

He felt a hand under his chin that moved his face up, he let the hand move his head to the place he wanted him to be in. He saw how Louis looked at him and smiled, “Of course i can spoon you Harry” he said.


	8. Chapter Eight: Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year!

**~H~**

The weight of an arm was on Harry's waist, the feeling of the energy of someone else made him feel safe. He opened his eyes and saw his closet that was filled with clothes just laying in non-organised hills. He felt the person's behind him breathe against his neck. 

The warm breath gave Harry shivers down his back. He didn't want to move because he didn't want the person behind him to wake up. He felt the pressure of the arm on his waist pressing his body closer to the one behind him. It was weird Niall would never do that. 

Then he remembered the night before, how Louis drow him home, how Harry told him to spoon him. The words Louis spoke, how they fell asleep in the bed together. He remembered how Louis took off his shirt and made his tattoos and muscular body visible. 

Harry turned around slowly to see Louis face just centimetres from his own. Louis' eyelashes left shadows under his eyes, he had some strings of hair in his face. Without thinking before, he stretched out his hand and moved Louis' hair behind his ear. After that he just laid there thinking how he wanted this to become a routine. 

"Are you just gonna lay there and stare at me, or can you make me a sandwich?" Louis said with his dark morning-voice, he slowly opened his eyes and looked back at Harry. Harry himself couldn't do anything but stare at him with his mouth open. "No worries curly, I can lie that I didn't feel you play with my hair" Louis said before he closed his eyes. 

Harry couldn't stop staring at him, "why didn't you say anything then?" Harry said. Louis didn't answer him, he just smiled at him. Harry felt how his cheeks were getting hotter. So Harry sat up and was about to jump out of the bed when Louis' arm dragged him closer to himself. 

Louis kissed Harry's cheek and said "do you want help?" Harry just shook his head and stood up and walked out. He moved his hand up to his cheek and smiled at the thought of Louis' lips on it. 

He closed the door behind him and walked into the kitchen area. He opened the fridge and saw that there wasn't anything in it. He walked towards the bedroom door and knocked on it, he opened and saw Louis standing in his boxer briefs. He looked up at Harry and smiled. 

"Ehm, I don't have any food, can you drive me to the store?" Harry said to the smiling, half naked Louis in front of him. He looked like an angel with his golden skin standing in the sunlight, which made his skin glow. He looked like the sun, he even out shined the sun. 

"Sure, let me just get dressed curly" he said and then looked down on Harry's naked chest. When he did that Harry realized that he didn't get dressed and that he was just standing there in his boxers. "I see that you should do that too, curly" he said and smiled. 

Harry's cheeks got all hot and red, he had been in love before, but it felt different with Louis. He felt home near Louis like if he was searching all his life to feel home, and now he got it he didn't want to let that go. "Ha, yeah, you're right" Harry said with 

  
  


-

The car ride was awkward, but it was nothing like when they both walked quiet beside each other in the store. Walking around beside shelves that were filled with food. One foot at the time they walked beside each other to the shelves that had food Harry could buy. When they got there the unpleasant view of the empty shelves made Harry’s stomach twist, he shook his head and turned around when he felt a hand round his upper left arm. 

The hand moved his body back so he was standing in front of Louis, facing him. His eyes looked into Harry’s green ones, “what do you wanna eat Harry?” Louis said and broke their eye contact to pick up his wallet. He looked up again and smiled, the butterflies in Harry’s stomach were all over the place and Louis could probably be seen on the outside. 

But the guilt killed the butterflies one by one, “you don’t need to pay for my food Louis, we can just come back tomorrow and see if they have noodles then” Harry said and was about to turn around again when he felt the grip on his arm tighten. He looked back at Louis, now had his smile faded. 

“Please, just this one time, okay?” Louis said and Harry sighed and nodded his head. He saw that Louis had a string of hair on his forehead while the rest of the hair was behind his ear. Harry stretched out his hand and was about to move the piece of hair when Louis flinched and took up a protecting hand in front of his face, as if Harry would slap him. When Louis realized that Harry didn’t do anything he took down his hand and sighed and turned to walk away from Harry. 

  
Harry was standing there for some seconds before he realized that Louis was gone in the jungle of shelves, he started to make his way to find Louis. When he turned right he saw him standing on his tiptoes to reach the pasta on the second level on the not so high shelves. “Want some help smurfette?” Harry said in a teasing voice, Louis jumped and looked at him with horror. But when he saw that it was only Harry his body relaxed. 

He moved away from the shelves and pointed in the direction, “show me what you got giraffe” Louis said a little sassy. Harry stepped forward and took a packet of pasta from the shelf and put it in the basket Louis took when they walked into the store. “Oh by the way, can you not call me smurfette? My exes did and it triggers some memories i don't wanna have” Louis mumbled quietly, but Harry could hear it and he just nodded. 

They walked in silence, but this time it wasn’t awkward, just a comfortable silence. Shelves after shelves the walk got longer and longer and more products in the basket. Stuff that Harry dreamt of eating, was in that basket. The guilt of standing in the line with a full basket, waiting for Louis to pay for it, it was eating him alive. He hates when people buy stuff for him. 

-

**~L~**

"No, Harry stopp. I won't let you pay me back" Louis said when Harry opened the door into the trailer. Harry walked in with the paper bags in his hand, Louis was right behind him and the scent of Harry's vanilla perfume was quite strong. But Louis didn't mind, in fact he loved that it was strong because it meant that he was close enough to feel it. 

"But I feel bad, you shouldn't buy stuff for me" Harry said with his back facing Louis. He slowly put in the products they bought in their right place. Watching his figure moving around in the kitchen area made Louis smile. This could be his everyday life, he wouldn't mind at all. The yellow light made his skin glow. The white scars moved from under his t-shirt to his lower arm. 

Those scars made his heart break, he couldn't understand how Harry could do this to himself. When he looked at his arms he saw that Harry had a large scar from his wrist to just above his arm fold. But this one wasn't white, it was purple, which means that it isn't healed yet. If anyone knows about non healed scars it's Louis, it's just what you learn when the ones that swore to love you hurts you. 

"Louis?" Harry's calm and soft voice whispered to him, he almost jumped out of surprise since he was so lost in thought. He looked up at Harry, his green eyes looked concerned into Louis' blue ones. Before he could say anything he felt how his phone vibrated in his pocket. He took up his phone and saw that it was Zayn who called. 

"Shit, I need to take this," Louis said and Harry nodded and backed away from Louis, as if he was poisoned. Louis accepted the call and stepped outside. "Hey Zayn, something happened?" He said as he closed the door to Harry's trailer. 

"Yeah, you buttfuck, you are at Harry's. I know that you're, your mom told me. How could you forgive him after how he treated you" Zayn's voice calmly screamed through the phone. Louis could hear that he was in his apartment since he could hear Liam whispering to Zayn to calm down. "I don't wanna pick up the piece again-" 

"Harry went to rehab, he is an alcoholic and he self-harms. That's why he didn't call me. But now I have you here… I need a favour" Louis said. He could hear how Zayn stopped in his tracks. "I have a meeting with Demi tomorrow, the woman we had auditions for, and I don't wanna leave Harry alone. Could you come over to keep an eye on him?" Louis continued. 

"Yeah, of course Louis" Zayn said and before the boy could say anything else he hung up the phone and put it back in his pocket and opened the door into the trailer and closed it behind him. 

Harry stood in the kitchen area and made some sandwiches, he looked up at him when the door closed behind Louis. The smile on Harry's face made the butterflies in his stomach fly around like crazy. "How is Zayn?" He asked and Louis smiled. 

"Just over dramatic, ehm Harry?" Louis said and waited until Harry nodded before he continued, "I'll have a meeting with a big management tomorrow, so Zayn will come to make sure that you're alright" 

The smile on Harry's face got wider and he nodded once again before he took a sandwich in his hand and started walking towards Louis. "Do you remember that you asked me to make you a sandwich?" Harry asked and Louis nodded, how couldn't he remember that? That was when he kissed Harry on the cheek like it was the most normal thing to do. 

He gave the sandwich to Louis and Louis sat down on the couch and started eating his food. Harry laughed and sat beside him. Louis couldn't help but feel like he was safe. As if his been waiting for something to make him feel safe and whole, he got more than that, he got the feeling of being home. 

Harry was his home.


	9. Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> I'm deeply sorry that i haven't posted anything in awhile, truth to be told I've been laying in bed with so much anxiety.   
> But i hope you like this chapter, love all of you.   
> Love,   
> Jonna

~H~

Harry opened his eyes and heard voices from behind his door. Three voices to be exact. One of them that made the butterflies in his stomach form, Louis. He got up and put on a sweater and opened the door. 

Down the hall was a brown haired boy, he had darker hazel eyes that looked straight at Harry. Beside the guy on the left was Louis, he had a suit on him. The suit was black with a little glitter on it, he had a big smile on his face when he saw Harry. On the right was Zayn, but Harry didn't look at the other guys all he could see was Louis. 

His hair was styled roughly to the side, he looked so good that made Harry's air disappear in his lungs and the cheeks got hotter. "Sorry to destroy your eyes-fucking session with my friend Harry, but I'm Liam" a voice said that brought Harry to life. A hand was stretched out in front of his eyes, he looked at the hand and took out his hand and shook the boy's hand. "And this is-" 

"Zayn, or as Louis calls him, that's Zebra" Harry said and laughed, Zayn smiles since he remembered the same drunk moment. Liam looks at Louis who looked so confused. "When you were drunk, Louis," Harry said and smiled. Louis looked so embarrassed, his cheeks were red with a much darker tone than Louis probably wanted, but Harry just thought it was cute. “Anyway, why are they here?” Harry said so Louis didn’t feel embarrassed anymore. 

“Well, like I said yesterday, I’m going to a record label, and since you just came out of rehab and the nice lady told me not to leave you alone” Louis said and Harry thought it was sweet of him to look out for him, he smiled and Louis continued. “And since Liam is a former alcoholic, maybe he could be your sponsor. I mean he know more about this than i do”

The blood in Harry’s veins got cold when Louis said that, his thoughts came out as words instead, “you told them about that?” Louis nodded. Suddenly all the cold blood got hotter with the anger he felt and the betrayal, “how could you do that? Why did you tell them? Did you tell them about everything I said in your car? How can you tell them all about me and never tell me about you?” Harry screamed with the tears running down his cheeks. He couldn’t understand how Louis could do something like this after everything he had told Louis. 

Harry turned around and ran back into his room, he closed the door behind him and threw himself on his bed, the tears burning in his eyes. “No, Louis let him be alone. Don’t push it or he will say some horrible things,” he heard Liam say behind his door. 

The tears burned in his eyes, his head aches after the burning tears. He heard a pair of footsteps walk from behind his door to the front door, the front cracked and a sudden sound made Harry sure Louis left him with these strangers. 

The frustration and the headache from the tears made his head all heavy before he knew it, his head was safe and sound on the pillow and his eyes slowly closed. His breathing got all heavy. 

__

A knock on the door woke Harry up, he turned around and looked at the closed door. He sighed and let out the words in his mind, "come in". The door opened and behind it was Liam, he walked in and sat on the bed. 

"I know that you're mad at Louis for telling me and Zayn about your problems with alcohol and your self-harm. But you need to know that he only did it because he cares" Liam said and smiled a pretty smile at Harry. When he looked at Liam he couldn't understand how someone like him once could've been addicted to alcohol. 

Liam took a breath and then said, "he didn't tell us why, when or where. He just told us about your problems and nothing else. And before you get all mad at Louis, can I tell you my experience with him?" Harry looked shocked at the boy in front of him, but slowly nodded.

Liam signed, "Okay, the first time I met Louis was when he came over to Zayn's. This was a week after I told Zayn about my former addiction. Through the door came Louis, the first thing I thought was that he wasn't the type that cares so much about people-" he laughed at those words. "-how wrong a human being can be. 

"Louis turned to me and said that I can always ask him for help, no matter what happens between me and Zayn. I, of course, thanked him for being so nice towards me. But I didn't give it too many thoughts until the day everything changed. At this point I was two years sober, just keep that in mind." 

Liam looked down at his legs. He looked ashamed and a little scared, so Harry put his hand on his knee. Liam looked up at Harry, "you don't need to tell me if you aren't ready" Harry said. Liam smiled and took a breath. 

"I am ready, I'm just worried about what you will ask Louis after this. Because his problems are a big part of this story." Liam said, the rage in Harry's blood was coming back for a round two. 

"So, he will be able to tell his story. But I can't?" Harry spat. Liam looked up at him, but his eyes weren't mad. His eyes were filled with sadness and a bit of betrayal. 

"Like I said, I just know your addiction. Nothing more. So listen to me, he wanted us to treat you like he and Zayn treated me. With all that being said, can I tell you?" Harry nodded, he felt ashamed for his reaction, Liam was too nice for the words he spat out.

"Okay, I was two years sober but one day - I don't know how it happened -I found alcohol and I drank it til' the point I can't remember. The last thing I remember was standing on the edge, having my phone in one hand and Louis' hand in the other. I looked down at him and saw bruises covering his arm and a part of his neck. 

"Didn't think much about it, since I was under the influence, I jumped down and Louis drew me to his place. The day after my phone was filled with texts and missed calls from Zayn. I called him up and said where I was. 

"I also told Louis not to tell Zayn, because I wanted to. He nodded and we waited on Zayn to come and pick me up. He said that he was scared that I might've done something bad and I told him about what happened the night before. 

"He stopped the car and looked at me with hurt eyes, I told him that it was fine. Louis helped me and took care of me. Zayn looked at me and said that he couldn't understand how Louis didn't tell him. He didn't speak to Louis for three day because of that" Liam paused. Harry could see in Liam's eyes how this wasn't the worst part. The big stone in Harry's stomach got even bigger, he couldn't get the image of Louis being covered in bruises out of his head. 

Liam signed and continued, "he didn't talk with Louis until THAT day happened. My and Zayn were home talking about everything, when suddenly Zayn's phone rings. He picks it up and doesn't answer, I saw on the display that it was Louis. I think he called Zayn six times before he called me-" the tears were running down his face. "- I could hear how scared he was and how someone tried to break into the room he was hiding" 

The stone got bigger in Harry's stomach and his blood was cold. He could feel how the tears burned his face, he could see that Liam felt the same but he continued. "He said that he needed to talk to Zayn, so I gave him the phone. The change of facial expression made me realize that he was ready to kill someone.

"He hung up the phone and screamed at me to get the first aid. The last thing I know I have a bruised Louis in the back of my car with Zayn trying to fix his body. He screamed at me to drive faster, and the rest of the story is Louis'" Liam said. 

The image of Louis with bruises covering his body made Harry feel sick, he heard Liam say something about leaving him alone while he and Zayn makes breakfast. So Harry looks up and says the boy's name. 

Liam turns around and Harry's next words just come flying out, "do you wanna be my sponsor?" Liam smiled and nodded before leaving the room. 

He felt how something inside him clicked, but he couldn't solve the puzzle. He saw the pieces in front of him, but nothing made sense. He couldn't understand how someone wanted to hurt Louis, the angel's angel. The sweetest thing ever. 

Until he remembered the day before, how Louis thought he was going to hit him. Suddenly the stone in his stomach came back and the blood got cold. 

  
__


End file.
